observing from afar is like being on center stage sometimes. it's why i stand on a chair... to get a new perspective on life. probably subconsciously because i need to look at things differently. and the fact that i need to look at things differently means that i should really find a higher chair. at least that's what i feel somedays. i think it's quite funny though how i end up on these chairs,and observing things for a different perspective without even knowing it.it's those times, when i see things for what they really are. a new perspective is nice. i like it.

as it turns out, i guess i'm a bad judge of character. i thought he was the one... that special person who makes my heart skip a beat, my stomach to flip, my hands to shake. well, he was that person. i just don't know what happened. you think you know someone and then the give up, throw the towel in and leave you with that blank look on your face. And all for what? a lame-o excuse that means squat! how about we grow some feelings and tell me the truth! WHY!?! one day we're talking about marriage and our future together ...then the next day everything changes! why?! am i not worthy op at least a better explanation? we haven't even ever fought... and you're saying that you forsee us fighting all the time so we should just throw out the baby with the bath water?!? what are you running from? of course everyone is scared! if you weren't scared i'd be worried. it's okay! i just want to hear the truth ... whether i can handle it or not, i just want the truth please!! i know taht we are so completely different. That's what i love! opposites do attract ... me and you ... i miss you. i'm not sure what to feel anymore. abandoned? hopeless? forgotten about? unworthy of your love? what i do know is that i feel sad because i don't have you here anymore. it's like there's something missing from life. everyone i see,everything i do, i'm always reminded of you. i wish i knew if you miss me too. i'm so tired of wishing for your hand in mine... i can't give up though. not without a fight. are you going to fight? fight for love, the real deal... fight for me? no? should i fight for you? i wish i was wanted. wanted in your arms. please. come back. i miss you.

love my girls ...

the pathway is broken, the signs are unclear, and i don't know the reasons why you brought me here. but just because you love me the way that you do i'm going walk through the valley if you want me to.

no i'm not who i was when i took the first step, and i'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet. so if all of these trials bring me closer to you then i will walk through the fire if you want me to.

and it may not be the way i would've chosen when you lead me through a world
that's not my home but you never said it would be easy, you only said i'd never
go alone.

so when the whole world turns against me and i'm all by myself, and i can't hear you answer my cries for help. i'll remember the suffering that true love put you through and i'll walk through the darkness if you want me to.

so when i corss over Jordan i'm gonna sing i'm gonna shout, i'm gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down. so take me on the pathway that leads me home to you and i will walk through the vally if you want me to.